Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I love that everytime he finds out something new about me, he recites every single thing that he knows, such as Indian food is my favourite kind of take-out, orange tic tacs, orange soothers, kleenex tissues, pumpkin soup and hypoallergenic pillows are necessary when I'm sick, I love penguins and I reckon the best colour in the world is red. He knows the small details about me that people overlook, like the fact that I have a mole on the side of my big toe on my left foot and that I bite my fingernails unwillingly. I know his secrets too, like that he has a stuffed snow leopard that he sometimes drags out of his den when no one is around and if he was an animal, that's the one that he would be.
And his text message every single night of "sweet dreams, x", that's my favourite - so thank you, I appreciate you more than you'll ever know.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So many things I should have treasured a little bit more.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I love writing, reading, sport and church. These four things are my main interests and they are therefore a giant part of my life. I admire many writers (such as Jodi Picoult) who are able to take small things and make them sound completely beautiful. It’s something I wish I could do. A quality I like to think I have is that of humour. I think that if everyone laughed a little longer, then things would be okay.
I have a blanket that I acquired when I was younger. I’m almost never without it. I guess I’m pretty attached to it. Another item of mine that rarely leaves my side is my Kleenex box. I’m sick a lot. A major skill that I posses is the ability to whistle through my nose. It sounds like a train. Also, I am a vegetarian. I respect vegetarianism. I am lactose intolerant. I hate it. My friends and family mean the world to me and I have decided that I am happy.
I don't forgive people because I am weak.
I forgive people because I understand that they make mistakes, that people change and that one action shouldn't define someone for the rest of their life.
It's hard though, isn't it? If someone does something so dramatic, so seemingly unforgivable, something that impacts and affects your life so much, no one WANTS to forgive. Forgiving hurts. Forgiving takes time. Forgiving is difficult.
I've learnt to not hold grudges, because I'd like to be treated in the same way. There have been many times when I've needed to be forgiven - because I'm not perfect. WE are not perfect. None of us.
There are definitely things that I can completely see why someone couldn't forgive - a broken relationship with a parent, someone hurting you in some way, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually - maybe even something worse, like being abandoned, being kicked out of home. But not forgiving drags you down too. It grabs a hold of you until you start to lose sense of who you are and where you're going.
Forgiving hurts. But not forgiving hurts too.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Never think you would learn anything from a dog, right?
His name is Jay Jay.
Jay Jay has this intense disliking of vacuum cleaners. If one comes near him, he snaps, biting, growling, barking.
So today when I was vacuuming and it came near the back door, he did just that. But after a few snaps at the glass and he realised his howling and growling wasn't getting him anywhere, he just removed himself from the situation, went and laid down in the sun without a second glance and left me to complete my vacuuming in peace.
When YOU get into an argument with someone, do you bite back snapping? Or do you leave straight away and don't get involved? It's not flight or fight. It's something that is unnecessary.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I think that's what I do now. Associate that game with him.
Once the past is gone, you can't get it back. You can't get back what someone took from you.
I guess looking forward is the only option.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Scream to the sky. Tear sheets of white paper up until all the pieces flutter around me like flakes of delicious snow.
I'm not crazy. Not really. I just bottle my emotions up inside of me - something that I presume the majority of human-beings do.
Sometimes I get so tired, so exhausted - mentally and physically - that I just want to give up. I don't want to deal with anything.
During those times, I have to remind myself to breathe. I have to remind myself that tough times don't last forever, that there's always a way out of the labyrinth.
I guess that I want this post to encourage you, in some strange way.
Emotions are normal. Rest is essential. When life is spinning out of control and the only option seems to be falling to your knees, give in. But don't give up.
One other thing I want to tell you today - thank you for being a part of my life.
Love, Bek x